“Freedom is found when we let go of who we are supposed to be and embrace who we really are”
Are you nice? Funny question I know. What does that really mean anyways? I actually always prided myself as being “nice”. So nice in fact, that I stuffed and repressed everything that I thought wasn’t nice. Welcome to a one sided world (AKA Resentment with a capital “R”)! I had fooled the outside world (or so I thought) and actually created some suffering for myself in the process.
I know exactly when it started too. High School, new school, new people, new start. I was determined to be “liked” so I poured my energy into being “likable” and in my mind that meant being “nice”. I actually built up an entire identity around being nice – or so I thought, and it has stuck with me for over 20 years. Yes, I know – there are a few of you that I didn’t fool and you are rolling your eyes as you read this. So don’t give up on me just yet…keep reading LOL.
See, its like this, when we repress parts of ourselves the universe has this funny thing it does to keep us balanced, namely show the other side of the equation. This is where your relationships start working their magic, seemingly the people in your life start showing you everything that you are trying (consciously or sub consciously) to stuff inside of yourself. You’ve probably heard of this before, some of the big wigs in the self-development world call it “mirroring”. That my friends is where one of two things happen, we check out or we check in. You can keep checking out but truth be told until you face the music it will keep showing up. Different people, same issues. Trust me.
So here is a NEWS FLASH…we are all just as equally “mean” as we are nice. YUP, it’s true. And subscribing to a fantasy of everything being nice will bite you in the you know what. Nice is my word but feel free to insert yours. Anything I have repressed, (and so judgements are born but that’s a whole other post) has shown up IN MY FACE. My niceness cost me, my boundaries,(what boundaries?) were overstepped big time by some “really mean people” (see how that works?) and I ran myself ragged trying to prove to anyone that I was worthy of their affection, attention and love.
And the resentments kept building…which brings me back to the tidbit I wrote the other day on intention. How on earth could one create a clear intention, when you have big fat resentments(obstacles) in the way? I’ll tell you, it’s horribly conflicting, because as nice as I was trying to be all the time, I felt like a nasty b**** inside. I was so vested in niceness, that I had a very difficult time cultivating authentic relationships. I only wanted to be nice, and have nice people in my life. It’s just not realistic, having authentic relationships means showing up without the masks, loving and accepting yourself for all of it. Neither prideful or shameful about who we are.
How about this “To know thyself is to love thyself”. The implications of that statement are so far-reaching. It’s a domino effect, when we love ourselves for all of our parts we can extend that to everyone in our lives. That’s true unconditional love, loving every part, not just the “nice” stuff.
So, look around you, what are the people in your life showing you? Who is pissing you off? What’s the common thread? Is there a theme that keeps presenting itself?
Let me know what you find.