The Top Three Things You Need To Know About Your “Haters”

Hate is a strong word I know, but I’m trying to make a point here!

gal pals unite

I got slammed a few times last week. By that I mean criticized, attacked, judged…you know…the “works”, the full meal deal. Some completely random people, and one a little closer to home, going out of their way to let me, or members of my family know that they basically think that “I’m embarrassing”, “I’m airing my dirty laundry on the internet”, “her blog is crap” and my personal favorite, “she looks like a prostitute” (this one actually made me giggle) and some other nice choice words that I won’t repeat here, but you get it where I’m going…

Truth be told, I was initially somewhat taken aback. I really couldn’t figure out what the heck I’d done to these people to make them lash out at me so maliciously. So, I went in to defensive mode(that’s what we do when we are being “attacked” right?) and began to craft my ever so witty response. Laced with über polite, passive aggressive sarcasm, ready to fire back, to shame and diminish my “attackers”. To let them know how terribly un-evolved, full of fear and out of touch with themselves they were. The intention being to shame them and rub their noses in their own poop.

That’s when I hit the pause button. Then rewind. Start again.

It’s evident that the more I put myself “out there” the more “feedback” I get. Whether it’s posting a selfie on instagram, sharing my insights and experiences or hosting a workshop. You see, I’m starting to play a bigger game than I ever have before. I’m stepping out of the cozy little box that I used to live in , where everything was “safe” and comfortable.

gal pals unite

So, I am really getting a first hand experience to understand the following:

1. Knowing that things are never one sided and that things are actually in a state of perfect balance. I will be met with equal amounts of support and challenge (thank you for that one Dr Demartini). I’m getting a first hand lesson in this. As much as I have had a cheer squad, supporting me, complimenting me and being genuinely happy for me I have had the nay sayers, the pisser offers and the people that would like to see me eat s***.  Let me repeat. To the extent I’m being supported I will be challenged. Having this start to sink in has definitely helped me take things way less personally. That’s a freaking huge relief, I tell ya! There is no disputing this, once you start looking in your own life you will see how the scales may tip but things always come back to centre.

2. Knowing that it is those that challenge me, that create the most growth. Being willing and brave enough to look at what these people are showing me allows me to face my own BS, to really own it. Yes, sometimes it sucks…really sucks, but there is a silver lining to that cloud. Goes back to that mirroring principle, you know the one that says what other people are showing you is merely a reflection of yourself? I know that’s a hard pill to swallow for many, but there is no shame in it. We are having a human experience after all and there is nothing that we are not. So yes, I am everything I perceive in othersand so are you! I’ll let that one sink for a bit…

Once we really get that, people’s opinions, actions and judgements have no power over us anymore, if I know I’m a bitch(and I’m neutral about it-I simply accept it) then you calling me one isn’t going to hurt my feelings. Water off a duck’s back. I’m actually welcoming the challengers more that I ever have before (this comment will probably bite me in the ass shortly, but at least I’ll have something new to blog about LOL) because they are helping me to get over myself. Clearing out all of the obstacles that are standing in my way of radical self acceptance and self love.

3. Know that  when people perceive that they are incomplete and are in fear they lash out. Fear, the belief that we aren’t “enough” and comparing ourselves to others (belief that we are less then) being the cause, and jealousy, judgement, blame and a bunch other indicators of self loathing, being the effect. I know in my own life when I have judged and come down hard on others, that it was because I felt that they had something I didn’t, or a failure to see that what they were showing me I also had within me in a same or similar form.

So no need to take things personal. It’s all just another kick in the pants to get over the stuff that’s holding you back.

“What other people think of me is none of my business.”

Wayne Dyer

 

 

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