How To Stop Settling For Less

The-biggest-obstacles-in-our-lives-are-the-barriers-our-mind-creates

Let your light shine!

I’m back at it with this “obstacle” business. I’ve spent a fair amount of time over the last few weeks thinking about self worth and how this directly affects what we feel we deserve. What is it that is standing in our way of living the life we dream of? How do we stop settling for less?

What I’ve noticed lately, both in myself personally, as well as in working with people, is that subconscious guilt and shame plays a big role in our self worth and what we feel we deserve in life. It’s tricky thing to recognise because it often doesn’t reveal itself right away, it takes some serious digging and there has to be a willingness and courage to look beyond the safety of the masks we create. These self depreciating thoughts run seemingly undetected in the background, like a malicious computer virus that messes with the functionality of the whole operating system. This “virus” causes glitches, information gets garbled and things start to get complicated.

As we go deeper within, fueled by a desire for wholeness and balance, we begin to uncover parts of ourselves we were previously unaware of or blind to. “Stuff” starts to come up – and it’s all in the name of growth, self acceptance and love. A situation that occurred in the past, that we so nicely swept under the carpet (avoided to the point that we’ve maybe even convinced ourselves it never happened) will rear its “ugly” head. The very things we have repressed are now being expressed, in our co-workers, spouse, children, friendships, extended family or possibly even by complete strangers.

Back to the guilt and shame part of it. We’ve all done or said things we aren’t particularly proud of, and the degree shame or guilt we harbour is dependant on our own perception of the event. Which, by the way, is usually lopsided.

Not too long ago, I was very deeply affected by something I observed in another woman. It almost took my breath away, and as much as I tried to get it out of my head I couldn’t. I was disturbed, and it wouldn’t leave me. No matter how hard I tried to get it out of my head I couldn’t. I’ve come to understand that it’s the very things that create such havoc within me, are also designed to bring my attention to wherever I am withholding love for myself, and in turn others. Her showing up how she did in that moment was a divine gift. Since I had been pondering everything surrounding self worth and how it relates to receiving, it’s interesting that this came about the way it did. The timing was darn near impeccable.  Proof that the lessons come when we are ready. What she showed me, brought to my attention an event that happened when I was a teenager. When it happened, I was in autopilot, a form of self protection I’m sure,  and heavy denial/repression followed. I didn’t deal with it, for 25 years…I had completely disassociated myself from it. Until that chance encounter, about a month ago, when I realized the magnitude of the guilt and shame that I had associated with that single event, and how that contributed to my feelings of not being good enough. I think as a result,  I spent a good portion of my life in self sabotage, settling for less, over extending myself to prove my worth and allowing people to overstep boundaries by undervaluing myself. That “virus” running in the background, seemingly undetected. This is a big one for me, and I’m still processing, but I’m relieved that I found it. I want to be open to everything life has to offer me, and I don’t want to be run by an incomplete awareness that obstructs me from really busting out in this world, to really stand in my God given power. To use whatever gifts I may have to be of service to others, and fulfill my mission.

We all have a gift, and we are all here to stand in our greatness. Every person has something to give to us, every interaction has a purpose and that is for us to unveil, to step out and bust out of whatever is holding us back from showing up! I want to leave you with this quote, one of my most very favorites!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

Contact me if you would like to know more about balancing your perceptions, dissolving guilt and shame and getting rid of the obstacles that are holding you back and keep you settling for less.

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