And…I am sooooooooo relieved.
It was just an email. Seems like no big deal, right? Yet, I procrastinated for weeks. The dread of writing it, trying to find the right words and carrying the weight of not facing it the reality of what I needed to say, day in and day out.
UGHHHH…now that I finally made myself do it I can see how much energy I expended by procrastinating and worrying about things that I have very little control over anyways.
I had to admit to being vulnerable, to ask for help and admit to not having or knowing the answers, without playing the victim card. To really face the music, that some things are totally not in my control. To stick to the facts, without getting into the story.
Turns out this exercise had much more value than just writing an email. For me it was more about learning to let go, to make peace with whatever life is bringing my way, to trust and come from a place of personal integrity. And to yet again, give up the ideals I have about how I want people to perceive me. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to show people I have my shit together, and I guess I’m making peace with the fact that there are times when I don’t. Surprise.
All that aside, my point today is, there are things in life that we need to deal with, deadlines, commitments, etc. Continuously putting them off to the last-minute, because there are more “pleasurable” things to do, does not make them go away. Actually, what I noticed is that having that cloud hanging above me actually took the fun out of the pleasurable things and took away from me being fully present. I spent the last few weeks agonizing about something that was inevitable. I had to do it, sooner or later, and waiting this long surely isn’t going to change the outcome. It’s strange really…
So avoidance of the things we see as being uncomfortable and not pleasurable doesn’t solve anything. It’s another one of those things that keeps us from moving forward. This simple realization has so many applications in our day-to-day lives. Take a minute and have a look in your life where you might be delaying the inevitable…here’s a few suggestions; career, relationships, health, finances, education.
My question this week is:
What have you been putting off that is stealing your energy in the present moment?