I know the title doesn't sound typical of most of my posts. It screams flaky fluff and rainbows, but there is a message here (as is always my intention). You'll have to read until the end.
So, you met someone. You knew from the instant you first laid eyes on them that they were different. Maybe there was a spark when your eyes first met - a feeling, it was “magic”. This is the one you thought to yourself. This person, (you’re starry eyed now) is amazing, not to mention easy on the eyes and is well…”perfect”. You’ve actually never come this close to human perfection…EVER. You envision them to be the peanut butter to your jelly, the thunder to your lighting and the lock to your key. And to top it all off, they say and do all of the “right” things. You are "hooked".
You my friend, may have just found yourself a Unicorn, what you perceive to be an anomaly of the human race…Everything you think you could wish for and desire packaged up into the epitome of sunshine and rainbow pooping perfection.
It’s been my observation that people often gravitate towards extremes, especially when it comes to the opposite sex, and those extremes begin to fuel unreasonably high expectations that are nearly impossible to live up to long term. The results often being intense, short lived dalliances that crash and burn just as quickly as they came into being.
I’ve exaggerating a wee bit to help get the point across, but I’m sure you can think back to a time in your own life that you’ve come across someone that you thought held the magic key to your happiness and then found yourself creating a fantasy about what an experience with a “Unicorn” could be like.
I’ve noticed a few things lately, many of us are lonely. We have become so disconnected from our own beautiful spirit and magnificence that we begin to look outside of ourselves for fulfillment, to feel like we are somebody. To feel like we matter.
So along comes this Unicorn, the person up until this moment, you didn’t think existed. The epitome of everything you have been searching for and now you’ve convinced yourself that by attaching yourself to them life is going to be “wonderful”.
Bring on the sunshine and rainbows!
Initially, it’s just so easy to hang out with them, because everything is just so super chill. At least that’s how it all starts. Then, the lines start to blur and “super chill” starts to evolve into something else…You become emotionally invested, after all hanging with Unicorns can be addictive, and the result is a surge of feel good chemicals coursing through your body. Not a feeling anyone wants to let go of.
After all, this “Unicorn” is giving you something you think you didn’t have before. Suddenly you feel like as though you have a new purpose, and you start to feel yourself come alive when you are with them. Heart racing, goose bumps you’ve got it all. You’ve just slipped out of your mundane existence and have taken a side trip to Fantasy Island.
This Unicorn makes you feel desired, wanted and relevant, and because of that you don’t want to let go and loose this “feeling” of being good enough, valued, seen and accepted. You want more. You want it now. All of it, you are gripped by neediness and maybe some urgency…and you want this Unicorn all to yourself. You want to lay claim to the Unicorn because if you captured it, it would make you better. You would find greatness.
So you pursue it, sometimes losing all common sense and rational in doing so. You’ve stopped thinking about consequences, find yourself doing some really weird shit that you normally wouldn’t be doing. All because you can’t see the situation for what it is. You’ve created a fantasy that this Unicorn is your ticket to lifelong fulfillment and happiness. You are infatuated my friend, and this is just another example of seeking to fill yourself from the outside in versus from the inside out.
Easy friend…take a time out, it’s time to re-group. Clear your head and think this through. What goes up must come down. By chasing a fantasy, the higher and quicker you climb the faster and harder you fall, (in equal measure) and there is not a lot of room in between for cultivating meaningful and lasting deep connections on Fantasy Island, because it seldom transitions smoothly to the “real world”. More often than not these relationships peter out and lose steam just as quickly as they built it, never fully realizing their potential or discovering the depths of where they can go.
We have become far too impatient, far too desperate in trying to satisfy what it is we think we need. What’s the urgency? It’s time we all just slowed the hell down, it’s time to savour the moments, to enjoy the journey and the deepening of spirit in the creation of meaningful friendships and relationships that actually fulfill what we truly crave.
Let’s shelve the fantasy, allow ourselves to dive more deeply into being “real” with each other, vulnerable, honest. To live free of ideals and expectations, to steer clear of superficial relationships that are based on NEED and what can you GIVE to me?
Think about it…think about the last time you met someone and you fell hard and fast? Did you ever get the chance to REALLY know them? Or were you so consumed with the idea of who they were that you ignored and were blind to all the rest? Because truly loving someone is about knowing all of their parts and not just all of the bright and shiny stuff.
We leave ourselves open becoming infatuated whenever we think that the other person has something that we do not. We lift them above ourselves, we think that we need them or we can’t be the person we want to be without them. This has all the makings of co dependence, self-minimization and leads to strange and desperate behavior. Creating one sided fantasies about who this person is and what they represent will not allow us to experience the depth of friendship that is waiting there for us. Depth of what could not possibly be uncovered or explored while being in the throes of infatuation. This extends to all relationships, regardless if they are friendships or those with romantic beginnings. It’s all the same at the end of the day.
So if you think you found yourself a unicorn, wouldn’t you like to keep them around a bit? Learn
from with them? Grow from with them? Maybe they are here to show you something, that they are merely a reflection of you, showing you the parts of yourself you have denied, repressed and simply have been unaware of.
They are here to help you uncover your own unicorn.
Isn’t that a relief? You don’t need to search for, chase or try to catch yourself a Unicorn. You just have to own yours. There is nothing missing - ever. Everything you see in someone else is part of you.
A “real Unicorn” doesn’t want you to downplay yourself and infatuate with them. They don’t need that. A “real Unicorn” wants you to find yourself in them. To grow in to the space of your greatest and highest version of yourself.
You have to know that, if there is in fact a Unicorn in your life right now, it is a reflection of you.
Own that shit. Claim it.
Unicorn friendships are very sacred and meaningful. They don’t come around that often, and must be honored. There is no fear of loss, no desperate need or want. There is great freedom here, without the pressure of “feeding the other”. It’s a mutual exchange, based on respect, appreciation and honoring the highest part of one another. Unicorns know what they want. Unicorns kindle and light the spark of another, they share deeper more meaningful connections that are based on unified, radical acceptance and the sharing of each other’s humanity…flaws and all.