A Thing or Two About Self Sabotage

 

galpalsOld habits die hard...

Is this the year that you have committed to improving your health and well-being? Is a career change that is more in line with your purpose part of your vision for yourself? Maybe you've decided to further your education, take your business to the next level? You are excited for the changes to come and feel committed to sticking with your aspirations, all in the name of propelling your life forward to a whole new level.

Then, as time goes by, something happens...you find yourself diving back into your old deeply ingrained habits and stories and making excuses like "I don't have time", why you "can't" or that "you'll get to it later". Stuck back in that same old rut. Those changes you so very much wanted for yourself eluding you and suddenly enthusiasm and possibility shifts to complacency and martyrdom. Sound familiar?

Well you're not alone.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself that might just help you get out of that rut;

What are the benefits of this self sabotage? Have you ever asked yourself this question? Because if there wasn't a perceived benefit you wouldn't still be doing it....Is there safety and security in the old way? Would this mean that you are actually the "master of your own ship", and that you are in fact 100% responsible for how your life is? Your health? Your well-being? Does this mean that you would no longer have anyone to blame for your perceived misfortunes? Are you afraid of how your life could change? Who would you be and what would your life look like if you made the choice to step into your fully realized potential? To really shine?

Yoga calls these old, deeply ingrained habits and perceptions "samskaras".  Often manifesting as obstacles that keep us from showing up in the highest version of who we are, or keep us buying into the idea of what's not possible. When we find excuses as to why "we can't" follow through, than we can more easily justify staying stuck in our old way of being and doing. Maybe we've given up, tried to settle, convinced ourselves that this is just the way life is. Maybe we've lost hope, or maybe it's just easier to live in a space of what is we think is comfortable, head in the sand, afraid of change. The underlying fear that change might affect the security in our relationships, our finances or perhaps a general fear of the unknown. Excuses, stories that blame and perpetuate a victim mentality or a belief in lack versus abundance all keep us stuck and directing energy towards something that definitely doesn't yield the results we are looking for.

I know this may sound a tad bit patronizing, it's not meant to be. I very much can relate to what I'm talking about here. I know what it is to be afraid of my own power. I spent a good portion of my life believing I was a victim, that I wasn't enough, convincing myself that "being taken care of", AKA being dependant on another human being was what I wanted. Putting aside my spirituality, and choosing to put everyone else's needs before mine. This may sound "bad", but obviously there was an upside to this all - otherwise I wouldn't have done it. But I was also afraid, afraid that if I pursued a career, became financially independent, or really shined in my physical appearance that I would put my marriage at risk. My marriage was my safety net, and I didn't know who I was outside of being my husbands wife and a mother. Since I had a very high value on keeping my family together, my children's security and well-being was paramount to me. Add into this equation some self-worth issues, and a strange idea that I wasn't capable of providing for them on my own; I choose what was comfortable and what appeared to be the path of least resistance. I did not have to stretch out of the confines of my little world or examine who I was, outside of mother and wife. No regrets...but had I known what was available on the other side of those fears I would have busted out of that comfortable space much sooner!

I believe that we all get the gentle nudges and whispers, the invitation to live the life of our grandest dreams. To realize and live in the truth of our own radiance and magnificence. It takes commitment, a sense of fearlessness, readiness and desire for change (which is by the way, constant and unavoidable.) Those nudges and whispers that I avoided for many years eventually became so loud that they were impossible to ignore. Life brought about an entire set of new challenges and circumstances that made it impossible for me to continue to try to sell myself on a way of life that kept me shrinking and in my safety zone. That place that kept me stepping into my full power and living my purpose.

We all get our "call to action", it can show up in the craziest forms; health challenges, job loss, the demise of a relationship, or any series of perceivably "unfortunate" events.

The simple truth is; we rise through challenge.

I'd like to invite you to take a time out, a few moments out of your action packed day and connect with the whispers. Is there something your spirit or your body is trying to tell you? Do you have a vision for your life that you are ignoring, putting on the back burner? Take a moment to identify the limiting beliefs, habits or stories you tell yourself that are keeping you from moving into that new space in your life. Bring your attention to the steps you can take, every day in realizing your vision.

Start small...make it attainable. Stay committed, despite what your "monkey mind" may be telling you.  Pull up you bootstraps and get to it! Set yourself up for success.

 

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